PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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