You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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