I feel great
I just peed on a car
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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