Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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