I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
