it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
