Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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