Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
