yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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