I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
