You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
