Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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