saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize