he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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