i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
