My hand turned me down
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
