If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize