This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
