Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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