I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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