I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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