I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
