Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
