I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
