Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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