Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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