Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
