We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
