i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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