He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
