Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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