remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
