i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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