hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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