2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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