sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
