Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
