Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Houston, we have a blender
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
