I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
