yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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