I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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