You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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