Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
