yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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