I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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