Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
