i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
