the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
