Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
