Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
