There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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