But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
barbara walters just said penis...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
