if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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