dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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