She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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