Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
