I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
