dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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