that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
