The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
