My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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