mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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