i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a beard to bite.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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