based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
