My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
