Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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