Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
