found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
