The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I believe in your delicious
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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