He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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