going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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